In the pursuit of happiness, romantic love is often viewed as the main objective – but what if it didn’t have to be?

Image: Sex And The CitySource:BodyAndSoul

A growing number of people are now choosing to share their life with a platonic partner instead, and enjoying romantic pursuits on the side. But can you really have the best of both worlds?

The idea of “happily ever after” has long been conflated with a monogamous – and often heteronormative – romantic relationship.

However, it no longer represents the norm. The hashtag #platoniclifepartner has been used more than 12 million times on TikTok alone, with people sharing stories of deep friendships that contain many of the same traits as love stories.

Dubbed a “platonic life partnership”, it describes a type of relationship that’s as strong and enduring as a romantic coupling – just without the romance part.

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A platonic life partner is more than just a best friend, explains psychologist Kayla Steele. “While both relationships are grounded by shared values such as mutual respect, loyalty, honesty, commitment and love, the difference lies within the nuances of how these values are expressed,” she tells Body+Soul.

A platonic life partnership has an additional level of commitment, Steele points out, because it often involves social markers that are traditionally associated with romantic partnerships, such as cohabiting, raising children or pets, and marriage.

Yes, this sounds quite idyllic, especially if you’ve been through the dating gauntlet of late and feel exhausted by the search for true love.

However, relationship expert Alina Rose stresses that platonic life partnerships are missing one potentially crucial element: chemistry.

“Romantic love and sexual attraction produce bonding chemicals that are vital for your wellbeing, [such as] dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin. This means romantic partners feel closer and more intimate – there’s a greater ‘pull’ towards that partner, a deeper desire to sustain that union and, biologically, to produce children,” she tells Body+Soul.

This doesn’t necessarily mean a platonic life partnership can’t work. It’s just that honest and open communication needs to be present.

“This is a delicate thread and you need to make sure both people are fulfilled with this connection,” warns Rose. “What if one party is secretly hoping things will change?”

As the concept gains momentum, the definition of a platonic life partnership is changing, allowing for a platonic relationship to coincide with a romantic one.

This may look like an enduring connection with a close friend who provides a significant amount of your needs, and a separate romantic partner who provides the rest.

As Steele explains, this kind of balance, which pushes against that traditionalist view that we need to find one person to complete us, is actually the ideal.

“There’s a social expectation that our primary partner should be able to fulfil all our relational needs for friendship, intimacy, commitment and love,” she says.

Image: Dead To MeSource:BodyAndSoul

“However, this expectation and the pressure that comes from this can set many relationships up to fail. We need a network of different relationships working symbiotically to meet our relational needs.”

So, while you may not feel drawn to the idea of finding a platonic life partner, it’s worth considering the wider concept of non-romantic relationships that can also fulfil your needs.

This shift from expecting one partner to satisfy you completely sounds like a healthy, modern approach to life and love. After all, how many relationships have we seen break down due to high expectations?

It’s unrealistic to expect that a single person will satisfy all your needs forever, no matter how strong the connection is.

The rise of platonic life partnerships isn’t about encouraging us to move away from romantic love.

For some people, a platonic lifelong partnership will work, and seeing it represented on social media is refreshing and supportive.

Everyone can benefit from rethinking the way we approach romantic relationships and from embracing a lifestyle that sees us share our needs across close friends, family and our romantic partners.

Time away from your partner is only going to strengthen your relationship – within reason, of course. But having your own separate interests and enjoying adventures apart is more likely to add to your love story rather than take away from it.

While we will generally open up to our partners about most major and minor life moments, it’s OK to keep some conversations for close friends or family, especially if they’ve had similar experiences or if their counsel could be of particular benefit.

Many successful couples have completely separate friendship groups, even well into their relationships. It’s great to get along with a partner’s close circle, but you don’t have to be in it for your relationship to work.

A life partner will, of course, be a priority in your life. But they may slot in among other close relationships like a brother or sister, parent or best friend.

This doesn’t discredit your romantic relationship; it just means you have a wealth of special people in your life.

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